A few years back, a friend was explaining she felt that failed relationships/colossal mistakes were sent to us by a higher power, the universe, whatever, to teach us lessons about ourselves. Somehow this ties into experience being the greatest educator or something and I remember thinking at the time that there were a few lessons I could have skipped (very much like Christian Ethics-oh yeah, I did skip those.)
Speaking with another friend (one who is going through her own personal hell right now) at that time, we kind of agreed that we are sent the people we need at the time, we just need to be open to receiving them into our lives.
There are lessons, then there are lessons. There are people we need, and then there are people someone ("someone" or "Someone") else thinks we need. The lessons from the universe are the ones that suck ass.
I guess where I am is at a point where I can say that I do think we are sent who we need when we need them. I have been lucky this year: new job, great new colleagues and a stronger friendship with former colleagues. It is supposed to be this easy, right?
So why then, did I need those lessons sent to me: tough job, asinine, cruel people, so much crap...well, after talking to my friend in the Big City, I think I have an answer.
She has come back into my life after a long absence-no drama, just time and distance doing their jobs, erasing the past connections. After her own hellish year, she is getting it all together. Enough to call me on my own shit, that is for sure! She is very in tune to what I am saying and doing, and it is unnerving. She is making me think (the unexamined life and all that).
So, the other night, half-joking, as usual, I made a comment that I was learning so much from the work she has done, and that I was riding the coattails of her mistakes and missteps. And that's when I realized that maybe those tough lessons sent to me, were actually situations where I was the person who was needed, and I couldn't be that unless I lived the challenges I did. So maybe there is something to the Universe Lessons theory.
Which is not to say that she went through her challenges only to fulfill some cosmic role in my life...I think things are more interconnected, layered and mysterious than that...it is not, in fact, all about me. (Don't tell my husband, ha ha). But it is interesting how often the right person has come into my life at the right time. And how often, thinking about it, I have been that person.
So in discussing all this, we ended up talking about what a person brings to the table, the gifts they give, and how so many people give and give, and take care of others (my friend Hal would know the Meyers Briggs code for that!) and never let anything flow back (who has time?). How we are robbed of learning, and gratitude and meaningful interaction with others.
Sometimes you have to sit back and relax and let someone or something be the balm you need. The right person or experience could be there all along, and if you are not careful, you might be looking the wrong way, and miss him/her/it completely. You get what you give, true, but you have to be open to receiving the message.
klm
Book of the Week - The In-Between World of Vikram Lall by MG Vassanji (Two time Giller winner)
Song of the Week - Ease Back - Amos Lee
